that girl

i saw that creepy library girl again.
i was working in the computer lab, facing the glass wall overlooking the rest of the library.
there she was, standing directly in front of me on the other side of the glass, signing herself in to use a computer.
i was sitting right by the open doorway, so she had to pass behind me on her way in to the lab.
i swear to you, she stared at the back of me the whole time she passed.
what a little hussy. wearing that faux-leopard-skin ridiculous coat.

hockey

a few days ago i was at a city-league men's hockey game. the ages of the men on bf's team range from twenties and late teens to mid-thirties or forties.
i noticed that as soon as they could take the ice and start warming up, most of the younger guys were shooting all over the rink, skating and passing pucks. the older (taller and larger) men stayed mainly by their box, stretching. eventually, they, too, were skating and doing drills, but it was funny to see the immediate age separation. the older players were well aware of how they'd feel later if they neglected their stretching.
later, during the second and third periods, i saw that the slimmer (younger) players were the ones sprinting down to help defend their goal, while the older and larger players slowly skated after them, trailing by half the rink-length. by the time these men passed the halfway mark, the puck was usually on its way back to their offensive side and they turned around to head back, only to be passed by their sprinting teammates.
it was easy to picture the older men continually caught in limbo, not able to reach one end of the rink before the puck changed sides and was off to the other end.
i also learned a valuable lesson. don't wear a thong to a hockey game, especially to a rink with no heaters and metal bleachers.

wranglers

so, the new K-Mart television commercial features a country singer. i don't know who the man is, because i've honestly never seen the ad, though i've heard it numerous times while i've been playing a computer game and listening to the tv. the opening line of the song is

"I found love in a K-mart store..."

the first time i heard it, my reaction was, "aw, hell no..."
and still, i can't help but shake my head when it comes on. i refuse to watch the ad, too, because i'm sure it won't make it any better.

who are these marketers???

gun control?

a few weeks ago, while watching the evening news, i saw a story about a Minnesota man who thinks that blind people should be allowed to carry guns for protection.
while sharing this incredible news with some friends, one of them argued that, with training, couldn't a blind person do other recreational shooting?
that, i have no problem with, though i can't see how said person would be able to skeet-shoot with any accuracy. but gun-wielding blind people in a controlled environment, fine. no, my main problem is the "for protection" aspect.
here's how the MN man (who, by the way, owns a gun store) says that blind people would be able to protect themselves. oh, did i mention that he's going to teach a class to instruct the blind of this nifty trick? he reasons that the blind already use a cane, which is swept back and forth in the person's path, to warn themselves of any obstacles. SO...all they have to do is hold the gun in both hands while holding the cane and when the cane hits some human-feeling object, the blind person will know that's the "bad guy" and can then shoot.

because we all know that burglars, if encountering a person in the house they break into, make sure to get within three feet of the homeowner, especially if they're holding a gun and a white cane.

if I broke into a house with intentions to burgle, and saw a blind person, i'd think i had just hit the jackpot. keep my mouth shut, and they can't even be sure i'm a female, right? no height/weight/eye color to give to the cops.

perhaps that's what the store-owner was thinking when he planned on teaching this class. people like me will take advantage of the blind, so they should be able to shoot things that their canes bump against.

as if gun control weren't already a big issue, below is an article i found on MSNBC.com.

Clumsy People With Guns (All-New)
The following people accidentally shot themselves recently: a Fond du Lac, Wis., man, in the abdomen, while using a screwdriver to dislodge a round from his pistol (August); a Nacogdoches, Texas, woman, in the foot while trying to kill a snake on her property (September) (and the same woman, again trying to kill a snake, shot herself in the other foot the next day); a Tennessee Highway Patrolman, in the leg as he holstered his pistol while chasing a fleeing suspect near Maryville (August); a teenage boy, in the leg while fleeing after robbing a food store in New Caney, Texas (August); a 33-year-old Milwaukee man, in the leg while fleeing after robbing a man on the street (October). And Danny Walden, Taylorsville, Ky., was shot by the rifle he had set up in his home as a booby trap to protect his 115 marijuana plants (October). [Fond du Lac Reporter, 8-24-05] [Daily Sentinel (Nacogdoches), 9-18-05] [The Tennessean, 8-10-05] [WTRK-TV (Houston), 8-3-05] [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 10-24-05] [Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.), 10-5-05]

i can't get over the Texan who shot both of her feet on consecutive days. who teaches these people that snakes require bullets to die? haven't people heard of using a sharp shovel or hoe?

just so you know, the city of Minneapolis' legislators have yet to decide whether to approve the blind-with-guns bill. i'll keep you posted.

hubert

to follow up:

last night, i was sitting in mom's bedroom talking to her and little bro entered and joined the conversation. i made some joking comment about 'Hubert,' which got bro on the brink of becoming defensive. it turned out that Hubert is a new kid in school. mom, ever diplomatic, stood up for bro, saying, "He makes friends with just about every new kid that comes into his grade!"
I asked bro, "Did you make friends with him just because his name is Hubert?"

"No!"

"Well, how did you meet him?"

He paused and tried to hide a grin. "...I cut him out of paper."

Mom and i looked at each other, then back at bro. "What?!"

"He lives in my math book."

Us: "..."

Bro: "well, he's not imaginary! you can see him!"

that certainly clears things up. and i had been excited to finally meet someone named 'Hubert'...

though apparently there's a 6th grader named Morbius at his school. bro told me that Morbius always wears black. i told him i would, too, if that were my name.

pachydermvision

a friend sent me this link. i'd have uploaded the image, but these public access computers can't handle the complexity of that, it seems. so bear with me and just click below.

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/602-5102858-4723832?asin=B000A7W3H6

this product definitely makes it onto the list of top 25 most frivolous things. or most confusing things. or two things that absolutely do not benefit from being combined. seriously, i would love to know the marketing strategy behind this.

as if kids weren't hooked on television early enough.

oh, Target, what were you thinking?

mom's suspicions

the funniest conversation happened at my dinner table not twenty minutes ago. my mom, thirteen-year-old brother, and i were eating pizza for supper. mom and i were each busy with a book; well, i had a magazine (The Wittenberg Door--a satirical religious mag worth checking out if you're fed up with the church and religious fanatics of today) and mom was looking over a crossword puzzle. Bro was the only one not visually occupied, and, as usual, was peppering the silence with random sentences or observations. here's how one of these went:

Bro: I made a new friend today.
Mom: Oh? How?
Bro: blahblahblah (i was tuned out again)

short silence while Mom went back to her crossword.

Bro: His name's Hubert.
Mom: (Pause) Is he imaginary?

at which point i looked up from my magazine, made eye contact with mom, and burst out laughing. i'm laughing again now as i type this. hysterical.
that was my favorite part of today.

georges

i'm still wondering--who was George? why did that girl whine so much to see him? for a kid to refer to people as "George's parents," obviously the couple was at least middle-aged. (though who today knows what 'middle-aged' refers to anymore?) i keep thinking that these parents of George must be elderly people, and then it would make more sense for this family to drop in for a visit. but still, who is George in all this?
and i never begged to visit old people when i was young. i still don't. old people make me uncomfortable. i never know how loud to speak or what slang i should or should not use. i even take it to the point of cutting out contractions from my speech. that's not a conscious effort, though, or if it is, just barely.
in 6th grade we volunteered as a class at the nursing home in town, and that totally weirded me out. i hope i'm not this uncomfortable when my friends are all old with me, or life will be super weird.

church shoes

yesterday as i was leaving the library, i navigated my way around a family that was also exiting. there were two daughters, estimated ages 10 and 8. the older one was reading aloud from one of her library books, then stopped to whine about wanting to visit "George's parents." over and over. and i really mean whine. she had that technique mastered, i'm sorry to say.
the younger girl was skipping all around, no doubt enjoying the feel of her dress swishing around her legs. she was my main obstacle in quickly passing the family; added to her sister's inability to read and walk at the same time, causing rapid changes in her walking speed, which made her dad trip over her, this was seriously a confusing job for me.
anyway, when i did get around them, i sped up to a comfortable pace, headed to the car. then i heard the younger girl squeal with delight, yelling something about going on the playground. i could her her little church shoes trapping their way closer as she ran toward me, and, further ahead, a playground.
"That's interesting, I didn't hear anything about a playground," remarked her dad.
"Anna, no, we're not doing that right now, we don't have time!" This from her mom.
"You're not going to play in your dress," called her dad, "and certainly not with books," he added more quietly.
That got a smile out of me, since that's the kind of sentiment I was raised with. Don't mistreat your books.
None of this stopped Anna's feet from clopping ever closer, however, prompting her mother to yell, "Anna, we are NOT going to the playground, now come here! I will leave you!"
Yes, I thought, that'll teach her. You guys drive off, so she gets to play on the playground with her books and her dress. Good lesson learned there.
I had to work hard to hide my smiles when I turned to unlock the car door, and was surprised to see that the "threat" had worked on Anna. She was giggling and tromping her way back to the rest of the group, where her older sister, sandwiched between her parents, laughed maniacally at her, shaking her thick brown hair around as she did so. What a creepy note to end on. No wonder Anna was so eager to get away.

due to the approaching winter, it's become harder and harder for me to get outside and run. sweating while freezing tends to make me feel like i'm dramatically ill and should be lying in bed rather than out in the streets flailing around.
so, my latest idea to overcome this mental block is to go shopping.
now, generally, i don't like shopping. of course, the company makes all the difference. though that's another story.
i've decided that buying good, moisture-wicking workout clothes will convince me that i can outdo the biting wind and get my exercise no matter what Nature has to say about it. let's hope it works.
i've already acknowledged that it's mostly a mental issue. cold weather has never appealed to me. even as a child, piling layer on top of layer to enjoy the snow made me feel clumsy and claustrophobic, not to mention the trouble of trying to remove three pairs of soaking wet socks one at a time. i remember sitting on the carpet, with one foot up in the air, tugging my sock by the toe, stretching it to twice its regular size, only to have it stay right where it was. wet socks on wet socks create more friction than many people realize, and the result was me rolling onto my back on the ground, still tugging and howling with frustration.
ugh. i honestly had to shudder just now, remembering the seeming impossibility of the task.
those are childhood days i do not want to relive. though, admittedly, it would be nice to have wet socks be the most stressful part of the day.

accusing shorties

as i approached the front entrance of the public library today, i noticed the girl on the sidewalk. probably nine years old, round like a chick pea with two tapering legs sticking out.
she was eating some kind of store-bought, shiny foil-packaged snack, and stared sullenly at me as i neared her square of sidewalk.
i took stock of my own appearance as i wondered why she seemed to have such an attitude with me. usually kids don't hate me at first sight.
wearing: jeans, hoodie, baseball cap and glasses, red sneakers.
carrying: eight or nine books accumulated from my mom, brother, and myself.
enjoying a lollipop.
maybe she was angry because she didn't have the lollipop. or perhaps she's an undercover member of the fashion police, and was contemplating how close my red sneakers came to crossing the line of originality into the crime of ugliness.
either way, i kept my eyes on my pile of books, willing it not to teeter. i felt ridiculous as i realized that this girl was making me uncomfortable. that's my right as a person who is older and taller than her. i get to be automatically cooler and more judgemental. what is with kids these days? why don't they know these things? standing around in front of public buildings, eating their snacks and glaring at innocent twenty-somethings.
i attempted a smile as i entered her sidewalk square territory, but i imagine that the lollipop did its best to thwart that attempt. stick a lollipop in your mouth and then try a smile in the mirror. not pretty.
the grimace didn't change her calculating stare, unfortunately. it probably convinced her that i'm some kind of alien disguised as a human, for why else would i wear red shoes with my rose-frame glasses?
i hope i never see her again.

career woman

i believe my life has reached a stage which i will call The Doldrums. speaking of which, you should read The Phantom Tollbooth if you haven't yet. though my hair is an inch shorter, thanks to the unnamed woman who cut it. i went to a hair place, it's not like i just ran into a stranger on the street who happened to have a pair of scissors in her hand. i just don't know her name. though now that i think about it, she was suspiciously the only person in the shop. i hope she didn't just walk in off the street in casual business clothes and decide to try something new. well, if she did, good for her, because my hair looks fine.

no job yet.
that's okay. i've decided that jobs are crap anyway. i'll probably be in my late forties before getting near a job that i've ever pictured as a 'career,' and by that time i'll be so disillusioned, i'll probably just be happy walking around town and stirring up people's compost bins without being asked. under the cover of darkness, of course.
i haven't decided yet if i'll accept payment or not. there are many debates as to whether or not something counts as a Good Deed if one accepts a form of payment or return of favor for it.
but now that i think about it, i wouldn't do that to be doing a Good Deed. i'd just feel good helping those people out who are earth-conscious enough to help transform their yard and garden waste into a fresh, revitalizing mulch for their yard and garden growth. and not even so much to help the people as to help the process itself.
and as for those people who are too busy (or whatever) to compost, i could help them out by dumping piles of green and brown yard waste in their backyards, giving them a head start on their composting process. i'm sure they'd appreciate the help.
so, that's my future. the night-elf of compost bins. awesome.
at least now i don't have to waste a ton of money on business suits.